Brooklyn, Johnny, Me & YOU!

2/21/2010 9:20:17 AM

Brooklyn, Johnny Depp, Me & You: What do you and I, the fetching Ms Decker and “Captain” Jack Sparrow all have in common? Each of us has some sort of opinion about Tiger Woods.   What’s curious is not my opinion or yours, but that we ALL have one. It’s 2010. How broad is your G.A.D. Zone?

It’s his private life …… he’s a bum ….. he’s just a golfer ….. every man cheats ….. she should castrate him ….. he was sincere / insincere ….. he’s lyin’ / not lyin’ ….. golf is not a sport ….. he owes us ____ , he doesn’t owe us anything ….. I never liked him ….. I respect his talent on the course ….. I’ll never watch golf again ….. he’s no Arnie or Jack …… it’s just sex ….. a Perkins waitress ?????

    Does that cover the "Tiger opinion" spectrum? If yours is not in there, feel free to add it. But do not feel obligated to share it with me!

    NOTE: Despite being "the only professing Buddhist who can hit a 1-iron AND boink a porno queen", Tiger might be shocked to learn that Saturday the Dalai Lama (aka "Mr Buddhist"), when asked, said "Tiger Who?" ..... TRUE STORY!

    As innately curious as we may be, we do not have an opinion on everything. There are issues in sports, politics, entertainment, science, theology, automotive engineering, gardening, haute couture, and animal husbandry that reside outside of my or your “Give A Damn” Zone.   What registers on our G-A-D-ometers?

    If Jim Furyk (a top PGA guy) was revealed to have a dozen skanks in his speed dial ….. would that be “news”?   If Tiger Woods was involved in a freak auto accident involving a truckload of live chickens; would you follow the details of the incident? …. If Peyton Manning left his wife for “a Kardashian” would you care? …. Are you aware that Antwan Jamieson was just traded to the Cavaliers? ….. Do you know that GM no longer makes Pontiacs?

    Is “public curiosity” a matter of WHO or WHAT THEY DID or a combination?

    Guess what? A LOT of people really do not care about many of the issues, people, incidents that intrigue me or you and vicey versy? Regardless, we all consider ourselves “cutting edge” concerning “important stuff”?

    Remember my friend who has never seen Godfather, Animal House or Caddyshack? He was perfectly content, having never given it a thought, I however, still question that such a confluent circumstance could exist. …… I know NOTHING about the band AC/DC except that such a band exists, or used to.   ….. Every column that appears on this website contains at least one oblique reference that some of you have absolutely no clue about. Some times I do that intentionally. Other times I am amazed you don’t have any idea what I’m talking about. Dennis Miller doesn't "get" some of my oblique references.

      A Zogby Poll taken Friday revealed that not one person in the states of New Mexico, Vermont, North Dakota or Utah has the foggiest notion who Erskine Bowles is. But he was worth two columns to me .

      But we ALL have an opinion about “Tiger Woods”?

      What is “the line” where/when someone does something and “everybody” cares about it? 9/11 ? Well, yeah. …. Evan Bayh not seeking reelection to the Senate? Nope. ….. Tyler Zeller returning to the UNC line-up? Tyler, I thought he graduated. Another Tyler? Oh, yawn.   …. Jessica Simpson has a new boyfriend? Nope. …… The aforementioned Johnny Depp is doing a 4th Pirates movie? Johnny Who is doing a what?

      How many people “giving a damn” constitutes “public interest”?   A newspaper editor or a TV news director thinking you SHOULD “give a damn” about something, should you?   Do some of the issues that dominate the 24/7 news cycle cause you to rethink your membership in the human race?

     Was that “killer-professor” in Huntsville Alabama a right-wing or left-wing nutjob?   What killer-professor? …. Is Haiti back to “normal”? ….. Would you still buy a Toyota?

    Is the global curiosity about Tiger Woods as much about “him” as it is the lurid nature of what he did? If he was involved in some (boring) major financial swindle, tax evasion, etc. would you be as curious? …… Was your interest in “the Eve Carson

case” spurred by how pretty and accomplished she was? Do you remember who “Eve Carson” was?   …… Whatever you interest level in Danica Patrick, is it generated by how attractive she is?   Are you aware that several less attractive females have raced in NASCAR events in the past?

    QUICK: Who won the Heisman Trophy this year?   Yes, some Alabama guy, but what was his name? ….. Time’s up!

    Are you familiar with 50% of the subjects mentioned above? Are you ashamed to admit you are as familiar with as many of them as you are? If it wasn’t for this website, would you have ever heard of “the Kardashians”?

    When someone gives you their opinion about Tiger Woods, do you really care?   Do you think they care when you feel compelled to share yours with them?   Have you noticed that I have NOT given you my opinion about Tiger Woods? I don't even care about my own opinion!

    FWIW: Missus says Tiger should NEVER appear in public without wearing a ballcap. She thought "that guy at the podium" looked like a space alien.

    If Brooklyn Decker showed up at your front door to discuss Tiger Woods, would you be interested .... or at least appear to be?


TRIVIA QUESTION (for LRP): What did “Baby Jessica” from Midland TX once do that EVERYBODY knew about?

UPDATES & FOLLOW-UPS:

1.    Re: Erskine ….. Yes, of course, I still “like” EB. Absolutely. But every time he covers for a slimey politician it’s his (EB) reputation that is effected - Negatively.

Obama can find plenty of publicity-seeking yahoos to take this fall for him. Stay at UNC, EB and finish your good works HERE! …. sob, sniff, sigh.

2. “Urban Deer Hunting” is the technical term for Governors Club’s “Butcher Bambi – 2010”. Bring in a team of “pros” and they cull the herd in a week-end. Turn loose a bunch of near-sighted Rotarians with bows ‘n arrows and Vigilantes 4 Venison sets a local record for HOOT-ification.

3. Another Dalai Lama story .... Not only does Dalai NOT know who Tiger is, but he is still mystified about a ceremonial gift given to him earlier in the week by the current POTUS ..... a pair of cufflinks? Most folks know that Dalai Lamas don't wear sleeves..