Disasters 'R Disasterous - REALLY?

1/21/2010 4:02:52 PM

…. Disasters 'R Disastrous! Who Knew?: I’ve lived thru assorted “disasters”. Several alphabets worth of hurricanes, a tornado thru our backyard, a shotgun car jacking, that KU game in ‘08, .... a haircut in Connecticutt in ‘02. Plenty of others via the insufferable Dan Rather in a trenchcoat and Geraldo in a safari jacket …. and always lots of human misery. ..... BobLee finds a cultural Rip Van Winkle.

"A Cultural Rip Van Winkle"

   I used a Fredo Corleone quote in that last column. A dear long time reader asked “Who is Fred Corleone? Fred ? I told him “Micheal & Sonny Corleone’s brother.” “Who?” He has never seen The Godfather. I took a deep breath and e-asked:   “How about Animal House or Caddyshack?”

   “Nope, never seen them either; but I did see Blind Side after you told me to.” (bless his heart!)…… Three all-time classic movies that have been on TV more often than the Geico lizard and he has never seen any of them. Yes, he has cable.

   If I had told you such a cultural Rip Van Winkle exists in 2010 outside of a maximum security coma ward, you would accuse me of joshing you. BobLee, who IS this guy? I'm not saying, but he would NOT be a high draft choice in a Trivial Pursuit Fantasy League on Popular American Culture of The Past 100 Years.

   Oh ….. that last Paul Revere column went Platinum. YES, I have the t-shirt rights to “This One Was For You, Mary Jo”.

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DISCLAIMER: The following is a BobLee Goes Ballistic socio-cultural column on Haiti. Not a word about The Pale Rider or The Blue Messiah. Feel free to flee now if that’s why you visit here.   I understand. No harm – No foul. See you next time.

   I often get asked was there a seminal moment I really got fed up with “liberals” and said ENOUGH …. accepting that there is zero common ground twixt me and “them”. Easy answer for me ….. 36 hours after Katrina hit New Orleans in 2005.

NOTE: I said “liberals”. Not “Democrats” …. Not the “all politicians are crooked” folks. Not those naively addicted to network news anchors and “they say” version of what’s happening.” I said “liberals”. All liberals are Democrats but not all Democrats are liberals. It IS possible for you to dislike Bush, Rush and Sarah and still NOT be a liberal and for me to not consider you a mortal enemy.

   Katrina in ‘05 is when I realized “Liberals will stop at nothing to advance their agenda. Their ideology IS their religion. They will follow it lock-step to their grave using any issue they can turn into a weapon to destroy “people like me”.”

    36 hours after Katrina hit New Orleans I vowed that I would fight them lowlife sumbitches in the hedgerows, in the back alleys and even in the gory mosh pits of the Internet.

    Perhaps for you it was an anti-war rally ….. or an abortion clinic …. or seeing your local public school system going to hell in a handbasket …. or a tenured jackass in a college classroom …. or a Hollywood whozit braying into a camera …. or one too many eco-loons / PETA people ….. one less nativity scene ..... or maybe it was Katrina for you too.

   To this day I can’t believe liberals used a freakin’ disaster to advance their agenda.   Their BS about GWB “not caring” and purposely delaying relief and relishing in the suffering of New Orleans’ citizens. What abominable garbage! They knew a sycophant media screaming it to a brain dead constituency for months on end would take hold.

   George Bush uttered one phrase in passing to a subordinate. A phrase to encourage a harried bureaucrat overwhelmed by the enormity of his responsibility – “Good job, Brownie!” And those lowlife, no-count sumbitches forever crucified George Bush on those three words.

   Michael Brown was not qualified to carry out the complexity of his job ….. which puts him in a crock pot with 99.7% of government bureaucrats at any given time in history including today. Bureaucrat is a synonym for “don’t expect me to do anything effectively or efficiently”. Not every bureaucrat is devoid of a sense of personal responsibilty but they are all pawns in a purposely complex system dedicated to the obstruction of human accomplishment.

   In Haiti right now 91% of everybodies (1) not in U.S. military uniform or (2) not a starving Haitian; is either a self-important media stooge or a bureaucrat slowing down the implementation of relief efforts. And every one of those useless bull tits is part of Lord Obama’s administration. Yes, they are!

    Lets talk about this horrendous disaster in Haiti.

    Two weeks ago could you have found Haiti on a map of the Western Hemisphere? Did you know Haiti shares an island with Sammie Sosa’s Dominican Republic?   Do Haitians even know that a slightly better place exists just a few miles walk thru the jungle?

   Two weeks ago could you have strung together three sentences about “Haiti” without using the words Papa Doc, Baby Doc or “voodoo”? If so, I want you for my partner in Caribbean Jeopardy.

   Ten minutes BEFORE that earthquake hit, Haiti was the most pitifully wretched country on Earth.   Haiti is to abject poverty what Mississippi is to SAT scores. The one everyone else brags “at least we’re not as bad as ______”. Even Rwandans make “Haiti jokes”.

   Define “success” for me in this massive Haiti Relief effort. Will it be a “success” if “only 50,000 died” ….. “only 100,000 died” ….. “the Royal Palace’s home theater is intact and his highness can watch the Super Bowl” …… “the dictator’s fleet of limos is back in service”.   “All the cardboard lean-tos are back up and the

gutters are cleared so folks can defecate in them again.” …. Mission Accomplished ???

   Haiti was a total disaster three weeks ago ….. then an earthquake hit.

   Am I saying “Don’t bother. If earthquakes don’t kill’em then AIDS or gangs of machete-weilding looters or the dictator’s secret police will.” No, I’m not saying that. Give generously! These are human beings that lost Life’s Lottery and happened to be born into the most squalid hellhole possible. Not their fault. Not mine either. Or George Bush, Rush, or Mark McGwire's. Sh*t happens ….. and somebody has to clean it up.

   God invented America to hopefully make the rest of the UN clowns feel guilty. It doesn’t always turn out that way.

   France sends a dozen croissants and some Bridgett Bardot videos ….. and claims WE are not doing enough. Danny Glover’s pal Hugo Chavez …. Don’t get me started on either of those two nitwits extraordinaire. Danny Glover, who is quite insane, is speaking at UNC this week.

   We’ll spend 100s of millions, maybe even a billion or two, in Haiti over the next year or so. The day the last “here to help you” American leaves, pre-earthquake Haiti will take over again. The same tinpot dictator or his evil twin will divert the aid $$$$ into his Cayman or Swiss accounts ….. and buy a few more Mercedes for his motor pool …. a few more Rolexes.

   Hopefully a large number of innocent orphans can be airlifted out to homes where their futures can be hugs and “three squares”. Maybe some Christian missionaries can leave behind some tracts that offer an alternative to Baron Samadee’s voodoo rituals

   It’s 2010. We are a “I’m bored with this. Where’s the damn remote” society. “Reporting Live from Port-au-Prince” is already getting old, huh.   “All those poor people are yucky. Lets see a Kardashian."

    See this picture of three beautiful coeds from that Florida college. They were in Haiti on some “third world awareness” field trip. They are presumed dead. Buried under rubble. How horrible! “Kid” has been on two such mission trips (to Belize and to Jamaica) in the past few years. THAT COULD BE “MY KID” IN THIS PICTURE.

If these girls had been in New Orleans’ 9th Ward when Katrina hit ….. the libs and their media would be BLAMING GEORGE BUSH FOR KILLING THEM. Their picture would be above the fold in every piece o’ crap newspaper and leading off every network newscast with a screaming headline – BUSH KILLED’EM & HE DOESN’T CARE !. ….. THAT’S WHY I really passionately do not like liberals and especially their compliant media.

What's the point of emphasizing how disastrous disasters can be and exposing all this awful human suffering ….. unless there are Republicans to blame it on. Really!

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Q: BobLee, are you just going to do ALL right-wing political rants from now on?

A: The next column is "Where Old Quarterbacks Go After They Take Their Last Snap." Unless Nancy Pelosi was YA Tittle in another life it probably won't be political. Was she?