My Conference Realignment Column

5/15/2010 8:28:19 AM

May 15, 2010: The International Website Oversight Society is threatening to unplug me .... unless I do a Conference Expansion Column.  Hokie Jim did his a week or so ago.  I was holding out.  A Conference Expansion column is slightly less trite than a “What Happened to Roy” column.  I've done two of those.  Here goes ......

“... they hung Dean Smith in effigy back in ‘63”.  
“... Krzyzewski had horrible records his first two years.” 
“... imagine if Babe Ruth had used an aluminum bat !”  HUH? 

Sports is really not about “games” and the people who play them.  Sports is really about FANS and their endless conversations and debates ..... ABOUT those games and those players.  I don’t mean that in a bad way.

..... bringing us to the upcoming tsunami known as The Great Conference Realignment Shuffle .... surer than a Kardashian appearing in PEOPLE Magazine ...... surer than Joe Biden smirking while saying something incredibly stoopid ...... surer than FoxNews hiring pretty blonds.

Within the next 24 months you will see MASSIVE changes in the world of Big Time College Sports.  One soup can pulled out of the end-aisle display ...... all the other soup cans will collapse and the new end-aisle display won’t look at all like the original one did. ..... and that will, in time, be OK.  You might not think it will be OK but it will ...... be OK.

There are three Absolutes in American sports.  Three “take that to the bank” certainties .....

(1)   The Los Angeles Clippers Suck.
(2)    Soccer will NEVER catch on with American spectators.
(3)    It is the Athletics Director’s fault.

Everything else changes.  Maybe not much, but it does.  I know what you are thinking ...... Clemson winning a basketball game in Chapel Hill .   We dodged that bullet this season by the pure grace ‘o God. 

When Eddie Fogler’s former backcourt partner Jim Delany says “Gentlemen start your poaching”  all holy hell will break loose.

There are THREE disconnected objectives in play. 

* ESPN is George Soros aka “Mr Big” who controls sports TV.  ESPN cares about advertising rates as determined by TV markets.

* Colleges desirous to play “big time college FB and BskB” are flumoxed by incredibly escalating thru-the-roof costs.  Blue chippers like big shiny giant Jumbotrons etc etc.  TV contracts offer the only real way to generate substantial revenues to afford such silly bling bling.

* College sports fans ..... want exciting games with hated rivals that lead to irrelevant bowl games that appeal to 17 y/os with 5th grade reading comprehension. 

As realignment escalates you will see references to AAU “member institutions”.  This refers to the Amer Assoc of Universities whose members are “legitimate” as in “we won’t get academic STDs if we associate ourselves with them”. ??

Legitimate .... depending upon the definition of IS.

  .... depending upon the definition of "is".  FYI .... WVU, Kentucky, and FlaSt are NOT AAU members. SURPRISE!.   Neither is Devry or Univ of Phoenix.   Moving right along.

There are 147,000 permutations to the final shuffle.  Like noses and anal sphincters ..... everyone has one.  I’ll offer BobLee's New ACC in a moment.  There will be 146,999 others AT LEAST.

Think in terms of 12 .... 14 ..... 16.  “16” being optimum as it halves into two divisions of “8” or four quartets of “4”.  “16” makes a perfect “tournament bracket”.   THAT is important.

Along with AAU “legitimate” institutions, you will hear/read a lot of harumping about “media markets”.   A moment of silence here as we recall all the drivel over “the Boston market” that drove Swofford’s Boston College Blunder.  “The Boston market for the ACC” is one UNC alum and one Duke alum meeting at a sports bar in Shrewsbury over a messa wings every February.  No one else in New England knows or cares what ACC even stands for. ...... clunk.

Thankfully no one mentioned the Nova Scotia market !!

When Jim Delany takes Missouri and Nebraska he guts the Big 12 North.  .... The Big 12 then poaches TCU and Arkansas from the SEC (uh oh!).   Concurrently the SEC poaches FSU and Miami from The ACC . NOW, it gets personal!

BobLee’s New ACC:
Under BobLee’s New ACC, fans get to enjoy backyard rivalries.  I’m “a fan” who likes a stadium crackling with excitement as “rivals” square off with bragging rights on the line.

ACC South              ACC North
Ga Tech                    Maryland
NCSU                       West Virginia
UNC                         Virginia
Duke                         Va Tech
Vanderbilt                 Boston College
Wake Forest             UConn
Clemson                   Rutgers or Louisville or
South Carolina         Navy or ECU .... pick 2 of the 4
                                
I don’t care “who plays who” as long as UNC plays Duke, State, Wake Forest and Virginia EVERY Fall.  I don’t care if UNC ever plays Maryland or West Virginia.

The above will never be sanctioned by Little Johnny nor anyone with beady eyes or really high blood pressure on a fan forum.

>>>>>>

Our spies tell us that Editor Drescher has launched yet another nasty nuke against our pal AgentPierce ....... stay tuned.  One Flew Over The N&O's Cuckoo Nest. 
There a brand new Stand & Declare crying out for your viewing.
View all articles

Sign up here to receive each new column by email!

Email BobLee